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Anubhav Singh anubhavwor85d6 — I am getting married this summer, so I wanted to pick up this book for some helpful pointers in planning the perfect wedding, circa 1963. After all, the wedding is, “the one moment in every girl's life which must be absolutely perfect!” Even though I am a boy, I can have aspirations too. I can like pretty things. Here is what I learned (some of it, sadly, too late). I hope you know what an aspic is. ANNOUNCING THE ENGAGEMENT Once both families have met (fail!), the formal or public announcement is made by the parents of the bride-to-be (fail!). The private announcement, usually made at a party for family and friends (fail!), precedes the newspaper announcement (fail!). Let’s hope I do better from here on out… THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY - Engraved/printed engagement announcements are NOT correct - No mention of the engagement appears on the invitation - Before an engagement, the groom asks the consent of the bride's father - An engagement is announced three to four months before the wedding [image error] - Veal salad should be served (Ingdts.: 1 1/2 cups veal, 3 envelopes unflavored gelatin, 1/2 cup mayonaise) Note: "When a woman of forty or more becomes engaged, she and her fiancé usually tell their friends and relatives shortly before the wedding." No party for you or your shriveled ovaries, you walking corpse! "Traditionally, no announcement is made of a divorceé's engagement." Sorry, harlots! PLANNING THE WEDDING Did you know that a large and fashionable wedding can amount to several thousand dollars? Luckily, E. Post provides a range of options, whether you have $500 to spare for a buffet in the church basement or are a big spender with $4,000 to lavish on a formal reception for 300 at a club or hotel! Attention willful brides! “The bride's sister is always her maid or matron of honor. If she has no sister of suitable age, she should choose her most intimate friend, although it is not generally acceptable to have young married women as bridesmaids and an unmarried girl as maid of honor.” TWO MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING “Change your name, start packing for your honeymoon, set up a display table if you plan to display your wedding gifts, set aside everything you will use and wear on your wedding day and keep it in one place.” Obsessively check and re-check it, every day. Don’t sleep through the night – someone might have snuck in and stolen one of your gloves. Better go look now. THE INVITATIONS Bride's parents divorced? “A joint wedding invitation from the divorced couple is an UNBREAKABLE BAN! THIS IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE!” R.s.v.p. and R.S.V.P. are both correct, but the former is preferred "by the conservative." THE BACHELOR DINNER “The ‘Bachelor Dinner’ is a gay (might as well get it out of your system now… you’ll never know if you don’t try) and happy farewell -- but not the wild, ribald affair often reported.” THE BRIDESMAIDS’ LUNCHEON Turkey or chicken jelly ring may be served (Ingdts.: 2 envelopes gelatin, 3 cups turkey pieces) THE CEREMONY When parents are not on friendly terms, the bride's mother gives the wedding. The bride's father may drive her to the wedding and walk her down the aisle, but he doesn't get to go to the reception. Suck it, absentee father perhaps! Wedding given by the bride's father? The second wife doesn't get to go to the reception (I already told you to suck it, harlots), and the bride's mother does not go to the reception (because she is too bitter about her life to enjoy it anyway). Attention, best man: You are, “secretary, valet and general Man Friday to the groom, traditionally responsible for everything required by the groom.” Sandwich please! NOW! A widow's wedding should be small. She does not have more than one attendant and the wedding is held in a small church, chapel, or windowless shed. Decorations are limited to a few wilted flowers or some twigs. THE RECEPTION The Receiving Line: "The ushers and best man never receive." (Dirty!) The Meal: Aspic of Foie Gras may be served. Dancing: The bride's father asks the groom's mother for the first dance and his father asks the bride's mother. (This is not happening.) Pointer to the bride: "A bride with a cigarette is not a pretty picture. While you are wearing your wedding veil, remember not to smoke." A NOTE TO GUESTS "Aisle seats need not be relinquished. If you arrive early enough to be given an aisle seat, it is entirely proper that you keep it, regardless of who or how many enter the pew later on." We're serious about this. Even if you see crutches or a wheelchair, DO. NOT. RELINQUISH. Also, "it is entirely correct to greet the people you know in hushed tones or by a smile or nod." Greet people you do not know with an icy stare. Most important: "Congratulate the groom, but wish the bride happiness. It is a breach of etiquette to congratulate a bride on having secured a husband!” Everyone already knows any woman is lucky to land a man. Now her life can begin. “If you are in doubt about whether the bride or groom know you, it is considerate to mention your name.” You should always tell a couple your name before you kill them. My wedding will be the biggest bash of 1963!